Simply Raising 8: Starter marriage, what god thinks of divorce, help for teen moms

The question was: Has anyone had a Starter marriage?

These are pictures of my Husband and I although we look quite immature riding around on children bikes I believe we are a Match Made in Heaven and our marriage is blessed by God as it should be!

I read on and on through the responses and they had something in common, Teen Pregnancy. They messed up, they knew they messed up and even the boy tried to do the right thing and get married like society tells us to do. In the end they were just not prepared. They never were given the tools and at their age I think they were too selfish to make it work. It was never about god to them. It was about doing what society said was right and getting married if you got a “Girl Knocked up”. Maybe for some of them they seen bigger better things out there than the life they had in their own home. Maybe they saw a place where they could be in control and break free from their parents rule. Whatever the case, One day ended in vows made to each other that they would never keep.

They were just not prepared to give up what they wanted for what someone higher than them wanted. They did not realize the sacrifice they had to make for their family and all the hard work it would take. They knew nothing of how much time it would take to care for a baby and how much of their own fun time they would have to give up to raise this child. Even helping with siblings does not prepare someone to be the main supporter for another human being while learning about marriage at the same time. Maybe they each had their own unspoken expectations of what marriage would be that clashed with the other persons. They were not prepared.

Myself as a young teen mom I had a clue although not a big enough one, but I was told “it is just cold feet”. We forgot the 10 bucks to pay the magistrate and I took it as a sign that we should just all go home. No one else did and my soon to be husbands step father handed him over another 10 bucks to pay up. Before I knew it we were standing in front of a court room of distant relatives, close friends and family and being pronounced “you are now husband and wife.” My immature comment blurted out as he finished with “you are now pronounced husband and wife!” “Can we come back to this same room for the divorce then?” As the audience gasped, giggled, smirked, and shook heads the magistrate said “No that will be the next court room over.”

What a term “Starter marriage!” Why did my parents not warn me? “God hates Divorce!” I was told that there was a way out later if it did not work. I had went to church my whole life without my parents. While I was married my 1^st husband did not want to attend so I eventually went alone. Reading the bible as an adult and attending church I saw that it was not right to divorce. As I stated earlier in one of my posts I spoke with many pastors about what god thought of it. In spite of it all, after being married for 10 years it did not work out ultimately ending in divorce. I am now re-married and much more mature in this marriage than the previous though we all have room for improvement. In the end that Divorce came down to God and I. It was he who had to forgive me for my sins. When my current husband and I married I truly felt like god would bless my family. I knew that Jim was willing to have a church family and raise our children in church which I had felt was most important.

I truly feel that we should engage our daughters and sons in activities that keep them busy with family while guiding them to become the man or woman god wants them to be. I feel like it is our duty to our children to teach them what god expects of them and discourage them to engage in behaviors that could result in pregnancy by taking your time to spend doing activities with them. I know with even the best parents teen pregnancy can happen but being lenient and letting your daughter’s boyfriend stay n the same bed is inviting trouble and lacks common sense. Is a “starter marriage” really what you want for your child? Remember you are not just your child’s friend. You are their parent first. It is your job from the time they are born to raise them in a way that they can be functioning part of society that respects God and life. When you look at your little newborn baby for the first time what values come to mind that you want to instill in them? (I will give my answer to that in a later post.)

Genesis 18:19 For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice, so that the LORD may bring to Abraham what he has promised him.”

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Isaiah 54:13 All your children shall be taught by the LORD, and great shall be the peace of your children.

Malachi 2:16 “For I hate divorce!" says the LORD, the God of Israel. "To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty," says the LORD of Heaven's Armies. "So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife."

This is all my opinion from life experience. Everything I blog on is based on that as I am no expert. If you are a teen mom who is facing all the questions that went through my mind at 17 there are places that can help you. Marriage is not the answer to solve all your problems. It is not to be entered into lightly. I wish I had known about this organization when I became pregnant Alpha Womens Center has help for you in our area. They also have services available for you and your significant other to earn baby items while you learn.