Tuesday, October 2, 2012

My First Glimpse of My Grandmother... Who left all of her children never to be seen again and started a new life!

I thought I should  title this post The importance of a Mother in a child's life. Although that is one of the points of this it is not the whole point I am making though. When I was growing up I did not have a grandmother. My Maternal Grandmother passed away when I was not yet born. Her Birthday was in the same month as mine so I was given one of her birthstone rings when I was a kid. My mother told me a few things about her and that is all I know. She apparently liked to cook as when I was a kid and got married to my first husband my mom gave me her cook books. I later gave them back and now years later my mom is giving them back to me again.  Mom said that she was closest to my Grandpa as my grandma was 45 when my mom was born and she did not want kids in the kitchen or things like that.  My grandfather also passed before I was born.

Growing up I always wished I had real grandparents. My maternal grandfather who is a WWII Veteran of the Navy was my only biological grandparent I grew up with. He has never been like those grandpas that spoil you. He was the one that said "Kids are meant to be seen and not heard! So be good or I'll get the paddle out" He then would show me the yard stick in the closet. He was always just messing with us like that but we made sure we were quiet and good over there just in case he was serious.  I felt closer to him when I was an adult and could sit still and have a normal conversation. :) Years ago he stopped by and gave me a hug saying" I love ya kid! You never know if ill die before I see ya again." He's still alive years later just moved out of town. 

His wife and the mother to all 8 of his children was Margaret Rundle (Guthrie) That was all I knew about her. I asked on many occasions about my Grandma and it took a long time before someone  explained it to me there opinion on what happened.   She left all of her children when they were young and started a new life. There was a lot of animosity when ever her name was brought up.  My oldest uncle William Guthrie passed away in a Drinking and driving car accident around 1976 or 7 Right after I was born. (I dated myself for you I am 36 this Friday)  Anyways... It was said that she was contacted at that time to tell her that her son had died. She was a Nurse and met a rich man and married him but never told him about her children or husband. That was when her husband found out about her past life.  A divorce was never finalized between my grandpa and her and when I was in middle school the lawyer contacted Grandpa to let him know she had never been divorced but remarried. It was then that They  finalized the divorce.  Everything was taken care of through Lawyers so no one got to meet her yet again. From what I have heard she had a child with her new husband who lives in Kent City, Michigan. 

I always wanted to meet her and also would have loved for my dad to meet her before she dies or he dies.  The thing is she did not want to be found. I really wonder what made her leave all her kids like that. I have always thought that her marriage must have been really bad and it was easier to leave the kids than to take them. I asked my dad today again how old he was when she left. He said he was 16 and he is the 2nd oldest of the kids.  I then thought about how hard that must be to live with out your mom around from that young of an age and realized that my mom moved out of state when I was 17. 

My mom was always a phone call away but I  never have a way to just drive over there and see her. Her life took her there when she was divorced and was just never able to afford to move back. It is now her life goal just to get back here to Michigan. So to get that out of the way so Mom don't feel bad about my post. 

I always felt like I still needed a Mom to be here for me even after I was married.  Rather its recipes  someone to watch babies or just someone to guide you in life you need a mom. That explains how I look up to  older women and Grandmas. I was very close with a neighbor lady that taught me how to cook when mom left. When I first married to my 1st husband I became really close with his step mom. She really kept me in line through all of my teenage stupidity that I still had going on. (she is still here for me) When I was a bit older I had a foster Grandma that was here once a week every Tuesday. She was part of a program that paired up single moms with a mentor. She was there for the birth of 4 or 5 of my children but passed last year.  She was also there for my divorce from my ex  and my wedding to James.Through the years we became very close (My mom was here for my wedding as well and other events but on  daily basis I always had someone here with me that was a mentor.) .   To think that my Dad went from 16 on in his life with no mom is very sad to me.  When I got this picture of his mom it was the first time I had ever seen her. It brought a tear to my eye. I wish it was clearer but its nice to see her anyways. I would still love to meet her. I think she had her reasons for leaving though I am not sure what they are. I don't look totally bad on her for it though. I feel bad for her being in a situation that must have been that bad to choose to leave your kids rather than stay. I really don't know how she could do it? Anyways this is the picture and that's the story as I know it.  It is a story that is never to be discussed in the family but I am not a kid anymore and I don't have to listen. haha! After all I went with out a grandma my whole life too.  If she has a Daughter In Kent city I imagine that I have some cousins somewhere as well that I have never even met. I thought I had something in common with Grandma as we both have 8 kids but if she had a kid with her new husband she beat me by 1. :)


Paula said...

I enjoyed reading this! It is sad that your dad's mom would up and leave her 8 kids and never look back. It is sad for her but it is much more sad for those 8 kids. Being a mom I cannot understand how women do that. But it is not for us to judge, is it? I am raising two of my grandkids who have been 'abandoned' by their parents. Parents that live less than a mile from our home. They last saw them this past May. I cannot imagine not having raised my own kids. My son, who is the dad of these two kids, is an adult now. It still hurts, as his mom, to not see him. Anyway......good post!

Mm said...

My dad talked to me about all this today as I told him I would like to meet my aunt and he set some of it straight that I had wrong so I will have to edit it. Thanks for stopping by Paula. It is great that you are there for your Grand babies.

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